Bozo the Clown..... This guy was a major creeper!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Family….are we talking about yours or mine?
Family….are we talking about yours or mine?
I had a good feeling about the Tax Guy. He was originally from Chicago (there is something about Midwest boys) and comes from a decently sized family. He is 36 (pushing my max limit), an ex soccer player and clearly someone who knows about money.
Tax Guy and I started chatting a few weeks ago, through the eHarmony ‘guided communication’. All of his answers led me to believe he was one of the normal ones. We chatted a few times on the phone and he seemed really nice. It wasn’t until half way through our first call that I noticed something very weird about his speech. He tended to drag out the last word of every sentence. It was like he purposefully elongated the word in order to make a point. If you need a audio clue just say ‘Eeyore’ at the end of a sentence. Now do this after all of your sentences! It kinda drove me nuts. (Red flag number 1)
We spoke a few more times until it was time for us to actually have a date. He told me that he had season tickets to the Suns and wanted to know if I would go to the Suns vs Spurs game on Friday night. I was pretty excited because I have never seen them play live. After he asked me he let me know that there was a small chance that his friend would be stealing my ticket. Seriously?!?! Why would you even ask me to go if there was a chance the ticket wasn’t available? Do you really need a backup?
I get a call on Thursday from the Tax Guy to let me know that his friend is ‘A Jerk’ and that he is going to claim his ticket after all. He said that if I never wanted to speak to him again that was ok, but if I did then we could hang out on Sunday. Why I said yes is beyond me. What kind of guy uninvites someone to an event on their first date? (Red flag #2) Hey buddy….I think I know why you might still be single!
Sunday comes and we decide to meet at a local sushi place. When I walk in he seems to be a lot cuter than his profile picture. He gives me a hug and we head to our table. He takes charge with the menu, asking for little help from me. He orders 3 rolls….I wanted to say “Is that just for you? Because I am gonna need more than that!” The food comes and we dive in…..well I dive in. He barely eats but instead chooses to start this marathon of talking. Here are a few topics that he chose to yap about:
*His friends indiscretions (a few different people)
*How he was this amazing soccer player- then all of his injuries….
*His travels and why he prefers going alone (Red flag #3)
*Mom and Dad (didn’t know if he was referring to his or mine for the first 15 min)
*How running anything less than 10 miles is a waste of his time
*He asked if my parents would be freaked out if I brought a black guy home with me (ok so he is also racist….freakin sweet!)
And the kicker…..this quote came directly out of his mouth…
“You are kind of a big girl to be a figure skater….” WHAT THE F?!?!
After two hours of painful conversation and him not asking me any questions, I was really to get onto date #4! Thank god he never called again!
Hopefully date #4 won’t be so much of a train wreck!
I had a good feeling about the Tax Guy. He was originally from Chicago (there is something about Midwest boys) and comes from a decently sized family. He is 36 (pushing my max limit), an ex soccer player and clearly someone who knows about money.
Tax Guy and I started chatting a few weeks ago, through the eHarmony ‘guided communication’. All of his answers led me to believe he was one of the normal ones. We chatted a few times on the phone and he seemed really nice. It wasn’t until half way through our first call that I noticed something very weird about his speech. He tended to drag out the last word of every sentence. It was like he purposefully elongated the word in order to make a point. If you need a audio clue just say ‘Eeyore’ at the end of a sentence. Now do this after all of your sentences! It kinda drove me nuts. (Red flag number 1)
We spoke a few more times until it was time for us to actually have a date. He told me that he had season tickets to the Suns and wanted to know if I would go to the Suns vs Spurs game on Friday night. I was pretty excited because I have never seen them play live. After he asked me he let me know that there was a small chance that his friend would be stealing my ticket. Seriously?!?! Why would you even ask me to go if there was a chance the ticket wasn’t available? Do you really need a backup?
I get a call on Thursday from the Tax Guy to let me know that his friend is ‘A Jerk’ and that he is going to claim his ticket after all. He said that if I never wanted to speak to him again that was ok, but if I did then we could hang out on Sunday. Why I said yes is beyond me. What kind of guy uninvites someone to an event on their first date? (Red flag #2) Hey buddy….I think I know why you might still be single!
Sunday comes and we decide to meet at a local sushi place. When I walk in he seems to be a lot cuter than his profile picture. He gives me a hug and we head to our table. He takes charge with the menu, asking for little help from me. He orders 3 rolls….I wanted to say “Is that just for you? Because I am gonna need more than that!” The food comes and we dive in…..well I dive in. He barely eats but instead chooses to start this marathon of talking. Here are a few topics that he chose to yap about:
*His friends indiscretions (a few different people)
*How he was this amazing soccer player- then all of his injuries….
*His travels and why he prefers going alone (Red flag #3)
*Mom and Dad (didn’t know if he was referring to his or mine for the first 15 min)
*How running anything less than 10 miles is a waste of his time
*He asked if my parents would be freaked out if I brought a black guy home with me (ok so he is also racist….freakin sweet!)
And the kicker…..this quote came directly out of his mouth…
“You are kind of a big girl to be a figure skater….” WHAT THE F?!?!
After two hours of painful conversation and him not asking me any questions, I was really to get onto date #4! Thank god he never called again!
Hopefully date #4 won’t be so much of a train wreck!
Monday, December 14, 2009
No I WILL NOT do math on our date!
Disconnect....A word to describe why the hell "The Accountant" hasn't called. If anyone can enlighten me on what this boy was thinking that would be just lovely. Here is the skinny...
Flirtatious texts after flirtatious texts....(I will refrain from writing what we wrote about...but it definitely had to do with watching porn at work) hahaha!!! Anyway, he was being super cute and said that he had to run to a meeting but that he'd like to catch up later that night (this was on a Friday). The night comes and goes and although I'm bummed I let it go. Saturday comes and goes.....so like an idiot I texted him asking if he wanted to go hiking in the morning. NOTHING. ZERO RESPONSE.
Is that a guys way of telling me he isn't interested? If so that sucks! I don't get it! He didn't have to text me or call me any of those times, but he did. Then to not respond?!?! WTF
A few of my guy friends told me that I wasn't able to call/text again.....so I guess I will just have to do my taxes some place else. Hasta Pasta Accountant!
Which now brings me to the math teacher. He seemed like a really nice guy but I should have seen the red flags...
What could go wrong with a high school math teacher?!? I'm sure he is patient, smart, and up with the latest music the kids are listening to. What I didn't realize is that there is a reason why someone would be a 36 year old math teacher who is still single and has roommates. That's right...roommates....plural...meaning more than one additional person! I should have told him that he isn't Joey or Chandler but I don't know if he would have gotten that reference.
I really shouldn't discount the math teacher because he was very sweet and he told me I was beautiful. I figured that going out on a Friday night with him wouldn't kill me....boy was I wrong.
He wanted to meet up at this random bar close to where he lives at 6:30pm. His plan for the night was to show me around to a few of his favorite hangouts (again another red flag! It's not like it was PPAD....if you get that reference you rock!) So I figured that meeting at that time meant that we would probably eat bar food, have a few drinks and then call it a night, except there was one issue......NO FOOD.
Who doesn't feed someone on a first date when you meet at 6:30?!?! Thank god I had a slightly old granola bar in the car or I would have died. The first place wasn't actually as bad as it could have been. We played that bar shuffle board game for what seemed like a hour. I was terrible! He beat me every single game...and not by a little. Again, I am new at this but I'm thinking that he should have let me win at least once.
We then headed off to this place where it was cash only, jukebox playing ,shit hole. This place was deserted except for a few people up at the bar. He orders me a PBR....yes that's right....Pabst Blue Ribbon. So I'm getting a $1 beer with a weirdo, at a shit bar and yet again he doesn't feed me. I don't think this place even had anything to eat...maybe a bag of chips.
We sit at this creepy booth and are chatting for a few minutes when he reaches across the table, grabs my hand and starts caressing it! WTF?!?! Was I on hidden video? I could not believe this was happening! I end up pulling out a ninja move and got my hand free......when he was like "ready to go to the next place?". THERE IS ANOTHER PLACE?!?! ugh
The third and final place that the teacher took me too was a place that was known for having "Busch in a Bag" for $2. Again, I promise you that this is not made up!!! I sat on a 1970's couch in this bar with a weirdo drinking Busch beer in a brown paper bag.
I don't think the date cost this guy more than $10. I wanted to let him know that if it was a money thing that I might have been just as happy splitting a bottle of Boones Farm....but I was just as happy to get the hell out of there!
Lesson for the Boys: FEED YOUR DATES
Flirtatious texts after flirtatious texts....(I will refrain from writing what we wrote about...but it definitely had to do with watching porn at work) hahaha!!! Anyway, he was being super cute and said that he had to run to a meeting but that he'd like to catch up later that night (this was on a Friday). The night comes and goes and although I'm bummed I let it go. Saturday comes and goes.....so like an idiot I texted him asking if he wanted to go hiking in the morning. NOTHING. ZERO RESPONSE.
Is that a guys way of telling me he isn't interested? If so that sucks! I don't get it! He didn't have to text me or call me any of those times, but he did. Then to not respond?!?! WTF
A few of my guy friends told me that I wasn't able to call/text again.....so I guess I will just have to do my taxes some place else. Hasta Pasta Accountant!
Which now brings me to the math teacher. He seemed like a really nice guy but I should have seen the red flags...
What could go wrong with a high school math teacher?!? I'm sure he is patient, smart, and up with the latest music the kids are listening to. What I didn't realize is that there is a reason why someone would be a 36 year old math teacher who is still single and has roommates. That's right...roommates....plural...meaning more than one additional person! I should have told him that he isn't Joey or Chandler but I don't know if he would have gotten that reference.
I really shouldn't discount the math teacher because he was very sweet and he told me I was beautiful. I figured that going out on a Friday night with him wouldn't kill me....boy was I wrong.
He wanted to meet up at this random bar close to where he lives at 6:30pm. His plan for the night was to show me around to a few of his favorite hangouts (again another red flag! It's not like it was PPAD....if you get that reference you rock!) So I figured that meeting at that time meant that we would probably eat bar food, have a few drinks and then call it a night, except there was one issue......NO FOOD.
Who doesn't feed someone on a first date when you meet at 6:30?!?! Thank god I had a slightly old granola bar in the car or I would have died. The first place wasn't actually as bad as it could have been. We played that bar shuffle board game for what seemed like a hour. I was terrible! He beat me every single game...and not by a little. Again, I am new at this but I'm thinking that he should have let me win at least once.
We then headed off to this place where it was cash only, jukebox playing ,shit hole. This place was deserted except for a few people up at the bar. He orders me a PBR....yes that's right....Pabst Blue Ribbon. So I'm getting a $1 beer with a weirdo, at a shit bar and yet again he doesn't feed me. I don't think this place even had anything to eat...maybe a bag of chips.
We sit at this creepy booth and are chatting for a few minutes when he reaches across the table, grabs my hand and starts caressing it! WTF?!?! Was I on hidden video? I could not believe this was happening! I end up pulling out a ninja move and got my hand free......when he was like "ready to go to the next place?". THERE IS ANOTHER PLACE?!?! ugh
The third and final place that the teacher took me too was a place that was known for having "Busch in a Bag" for $2. Again, I promise you that this is not made up!!! I sat on a 1970's couch in this bar with a weirdo drinking Busch beer in a brown paper bag.
I don't think the date cost this guy more than $10. I wanted to let him know that if it was a money thing that I might have been just as happy splitting a bottle of Boones Farm....but I was just as happy to get the hell out of there!
Lesson for the Boys: FEED YOUR DATES
The Accountant
I guess I don’t really understand how eHarmony works. I’m supposed to fill out a bunch of questions about my personality, where I want my dream guy to live, how tall does he have to be….then it jumps straight into “does he have to be in the same racial category as you?” Wowza!!!
So I fill out the rest of the questions to the best of my ability and then I click send.
Among the crap matches appears ‘The Accountant’. We exchange pre-made questions like “If you had 3 wishes what would they be?....What does your best friend know that no one else knows?....or Explain your parents relationship with one another”. Things seem to be progressing and we get to the most awaited email option! Ohh la la
He seems really nice. He asks me about my marathon time and my love for white gummy bears. We go through the casual exchange over the next few days until he asks for my number. Flirtatious text messages lead into a Friday evening chat. He tells me that I have a great laugh and that he has a sucker for brunettes. After 30 minutes or so of chatting he tells me he has a ‘proposition’ for me. He would like to take me to breakfast the next morning. How cute is that?!?!
We were going to meet at 8:00am at this really cute breakfast place and then head over to the farmers market. My first inclination is that 8:00am on a Saturday is entirely too early to be awake, but he promised me that they had amazing bacon…..so I was all in!
I got to the place a little early and waited for him to pull up. This super hot guy drives up in a white Prius. Let me get this straight…he is hot plus he is a fellow tree hugger! Hooray.
I won’t bore you with anymore of the date details…except that he did not lie about the bacon!!! It was umm umm GOOD!
I’m going to run home and stare at my phone with hope that he calls soon! (can you tell I haven’t done this before?!?!)
So I fill out the rest of the questions to the best of my ability and then I click send.
Among the crap matches appears ‘The Accountant’. We exchange pre-made questions like “If you had 3 wishes what would they be?....What does your best friend know that no one else knows?....or Explain your parents relationship with one another”. Things seem to be progressing and we get to the most awaited email option! Ohh la la
He seems really nice. He asks me about my marathon time and my love for white gummy bears. We go through the casual exchange over the next few days until he asks for my number. Flirtatious text messages lead into a Friday evening chat. He tells me that I have a great laugh and that he has a sucker for brunettes. After 30 minutes or so of chatting he tells me he has a ‘proposition’ for me. He would like to take me to breakfast the next morning. How cute is that?!?!
We were going to meet at 8:00am at this really cute breakfast place and then head over to the farmers market. My first inclination is that 8:00am on a Saturday is entirely too early to be awake, but he promised me that they had amazing bacon…..so I was all in!
I got to the place a little early and waited for him to pull up. This super hot guy drives up in a white Prius. Let me get this straight…he is hot plus he is a fellow tree hugger! Hooray.
I won’t bore you with anymore of the date details…except that he did not lie about the bacon!!! It was umm umm GOOD!
I’m going to run home and stare at my phone with hope that he calls soon! (can you tell I haven’t done this before?!?!)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
You matched me with HIM?!?!
My first day on eHarmony was like opening up a bunch of Christmas presents....that is until I saw what kind of crap I got!
Seriously? Seriously? You think that I am going to be a good match with Bernie?!?! Bernie is 38 years old, likes to do motorcross type stuff, doesn't read any books and is a construction guy. Yeah, good work eHarmony! Nice match! We are totally compatabile. I think I should book the church now!
The next few weren't as bad as Bernie...(poor Bernie...I'm sure you are a nice guy and will make Doris a very happy woman someday). They were teachers, sales guys and a few IT professionals. Most lived nowhere near my house. Most were 35+ and most were 5'9. What is up with short guys?!? Am I really prepared to give up my heels and my long jeans? Yeah I'm thinking NO!
After 15 or so 'matches' I was getting pretty discouraged at the 'talent' out there.....that is until Michael. Michael is 29 years old, an accountant and super hot! He was almost too cute to be on a dating website. What's wrong with him? Why is he not snatched up already?
Things were looking up in eHarmonyland.....
Seriously? Seriously? You think that I am going to be a good match with Bernie?!?! Bernie is 38 years old, likes to do motorcross type stuff, doesn't read any books and is a construction guy. Yeah, good work eHarmony! Nice match! We are totally compatabile. I think I should book the church now!
The next few weren't as bad as Bernie...(poor Bernie...I'm sure you are a nice guy and will make Doris a very happy woman someday). They were teachers, sales guys and a few IT professionals. Most lived nowhere near my house. Most were 35+ and most were 5'9. What is up with short guys?!? Am I really prepared to give up my heels and my long jeans? Yeah I'm thinking NO!
After 15 or so 'matches' I was getting pretty discouraged at the 'talent' out there.....that is until Michael. Michael is 29 years old, an accountant and super hot! He was almost too cute to be on a dating website. What's wrong with him? Why is he not snatched up already?
Things were looking up in eHarmonyland.....
Online dating....am I a loser?
What is the deal with online dating? I mean I always thought that sites like Match.com and eHarmony were for people who were so lame their pets didn't even want to kiss them. Why would anyone subject themselves to the ridicule of telling their families they met their 'partner' online? Ugh.....Yuck....Blah
I am a person who loves their alone time more than I probably should. I love that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I love that if I wake up in the middle of the night it isn't because my boyfriend is 'sawing logs'....and let's be honest, I love the freedom. What I don't love however, is being the third wheel. I don't love being left out of events because it is 'couples only', and I don't love feeling like life is passing me by.
Ok ok....enough sappy talk! I have finally gotten over feeling sorry for myself and decided to do something about it. That's right kids! I am entering the world of online dating and figured that I would bring you along.
This blog is about my dating adventures. I will try my best to recreate the 'dates' that I have been fortunate enough to go on. I hope that I won't have to write too many posts, but in the meantime I hope you enjoy!
I need to let you know (if you haven't already figured it out) that I am NOT a writer. I am actually so far from being able to compose a proper sentence it isn't funny. My grammar sucks, I tend to put commas in just about every sentence and I write exactly how I think....so if it doesn't make sense....sorry?!
I am a person who loves their alone time more than I probably should. I love that I can do whatever I want whenever I want. I love that if I wake up in the middle of the night it isn't because my boyfriend is 'sawing logs'....and let's be honest, I love the freedom. What I don't love however, is being the third wheel. I don't love being left out of events because it is 'couples only', and I don't love feeling like life is passing me by.
Ok ok....enough sappy talk! I have finally gotten over feeling sorry for myself and decided to do something about it. That's right kids! I am entering the world of online dating and figured that I would bring you along.
This blog is about my dating adventures. I will try my best to recreate the 'dates' that I have been fortunate enough to go on. I hope that I won't have to write too many posts, but in the meantime I hope you enjoy!
I need to let you know (if you haven't already figured it out) that I am NOT a writer. I am actually so far from being able to compose a proper sentence it isn't funny. My grammar sucks, I tend to put commas in just about every sentence and I write exactly how I think....so if it doesn't make sense....sorry?!
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